If you asked any parent out there, they would likely say that they have been trying to be the best parent they can be. However, being a parent is not an easy thing to do, and there is no guidebook on how to do it correctly. This means that a lot of parents are making mistakes without even realizing it.

Even though mom is grown now, she may be dealing with some struggles from her childhood which could make her journey in motherhood less than ideal. The important thing is recognizing what is going on, and doing the work to fix it.

Dysfunctional parenting is not something that most people aspire to, but it can happen to anyone. It can happen by accident when lifestyle and environment change, when a family member gets a medical diagnosis that is a challenge, or when mental health struggles surface.

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As stated, no one wants to see themselves reflected in a piece like this, but knowledge is power, and only when identifying the problem, we can work to change and be better for ourselves and our families.

Dysfunctional Parenting = Dysfunctional Households

mom yelling at son

It is inevitable that dysfunctional parenting is going to lead to a dysfunctional household, where nothing works in harmony. According to Psychology Today, dysfunctional parenting reaches all the members of the household, and this means that it can threaten the relationships between parents and their children, but it can also impair the relationship between siblings.

That is because it often has siblings competing against each other for the attention of their parents, and this can lead to rivalries and even feelings of resentment. That is due to dysfunctional parents playing favorites and using tactics like manipulation and even verbal abuse.

Dysfunctional Parenting Lasts Forever

A sad adult.

It is also important to be aware that dysfunctional parenting can lead to life-long struggles for children. Children who grow up in this type of household often go on to develop mental health struggles, and they are at a higher risk of substance abuse, and negative behaviors.

Why Are Parents Dysfunctional?

It may be easy to think that if we could figure out why there are dysfunctional parents, work can be done to identify them, and help them. According to Very Well Mind, it is not that easy and that is because the reason behind it can vary from person to person. Some parents are labeled as “dysfunctional” because they suffer from mental health struggles, especially if it leads to a substance abuse issue.

Some parents are dysfunctional because they grew up with dysfunctional parents themselves, and it has become a generational pattern that can be hard to recognize and break. Unfortunately, they are continuing the pattern with their own children.

Dysfunctional Parenting Styles

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via Pexels/Fauxels

Work has been done to identify six different dysfunctional parenting styles, and this can help us learn how to identify them.

  1. The Double-Minded Parent: according to Family Life, this is a parent who sees their children as just a small part of their overall dreams. They often see children as just “assets,” and parents can get frustrated when their children stop them from doing something that they want to.
  2. The ‘I Can’t Say No” Parent: this is the parent that always says yes to their children because they want everyone to be happy. Dysfunction does not always have to be maltreatment, and abuse, it can be about a lack of discipline and boundaries. Parents who parent like this may use justifications, like stating that they just want to give their children everything that they didn’t have.
  3. The Driver Parent: This is the parent that puts a lot of pressure on their child to be perfect, and to achieve goals that they think they should. This is a parent that we often see yelling at their child on the sports field. While these parents' behavior can be damaging, they believe it is for the best as they want their children to be the very best.
  4. The Micro-Managing Parent: This is the parent who wants complete control. They want their child to do arts and crafts exactly as they tell them to. They don’t allow their child to have much independence, or to make decisions for themselves.
  5. The Criticizing Parent: This parent is quick to point out what their child is doing wrong, and tell them that they need to correct it. They try to give their child “thick skin” so that they can handle the toughness of the real world.
  6. The Absentee Parent: This may be one of the worst, and it is the parent who is never there. The parent who does not go to sporting events, or parent-teacher interviews, and doesn’t support their child in their interests. They argue that they are teaching their child to be independent, but it can be hurtful.

Sources: Psychology Today, Very Well Mind, Family Life