Any mother reading this right now has been shocked by the emotional and mental toll of motherhood. Raising kids, whether you have one or seven, is no walk in the park. We love our children immensely, and they bring us so much joy, but they also bring us so much stress and overall life messiness. If raising kids was just loving them, it would be easy, but motherhood is doing all the things even when you don't want to, and we need to stop acting like everything is ok with all of us because it isn't.
Things are not ok and mothers are not ok. It is a horrible habit for most mothers to pretend like everything is fine and dandy when they're possibly screaming on the inside. Modern motherhood has brought challenges that our predecessors could have never dreamed of. Social media, school shootings, an entire pandemic, and trying to find a balance between being a mother and being your own person isn't an easy feat. We also know what every other person is doing at all times, so we know how we measure up or don't.
Motherhood Becomes Your Identity
Before we all become moms, we have these fantasy thoughts of what it would be like. It's always nice and calm. Maybe you're wearing a nice dress and walking happily hand in hand with your child as they chatter away happily. Perhaps you see yourself waking up refreshed, doing your skincare routine, and getting your child to daycare and yourself to work on time. Once there, you have a wonderfully productive day and pick up a calm and happy child. On the weekends you see your friends and during the week, you and your partner take on parenting together and have plenty of time alone.
Are you laughing yet?
The reality is that motherhood is completely all-encompassing and that every part of our lives is dictated by us being moms. When we wake up, when we shower, and all of our free time revolves around our children. It may have been a personal goal before you gave birth to never be one of those women who lose themselves in motherhood, but it will happen before you realize it's been weeks and then years since you've really felt rested, relaxed, and like yourself.
It's Ok To Not Be Ok
Moms pretend like everything is ok because if moms are overwhelmed, it makes everyone else uneasy. It's this exact pressure that has moms acting like they're fine when they aren't. It's ok to have bad days and not always love being a mom. It's ok to miss the life you had before you had kids. It's ok to not be ok with where you're at in motherhood at the moment.
A lifestyle article from The Guardian has the author admitting that she feels like she is failing every single day for the last 11 years of being a mom. Sadly, that is all too relatable. Something needs to change and it's not moms. It's our lack of support systems.
Moms aren't ok because we aren't nurtured and cared for, we do the nurturing and care. We don't know what it will take for a change, but we should at least stop pretending like everything is ok when it isn't. All we're doing is gaslighting ourselves into being happy.
Source: The Guardian, Revolution From Home, Love What Matters