There are a million ways to be a family, and it is becoming clear that families really do come in all shapes and sizes. Co-parenting can be challenging, and there can be other factors that make it a bit more so, and this could be when a parent remarries. When a parent remarries, they introduce another adult figure into their children’s lives and the lives of their co-parent.

Stepmothers have often been painted as “evil” by Hollywood, but that is usually the furthest thing from the truth. Stepmothers often face pressure when they enter a relationship with children involved because they are unsure of their place in the family. They know that they are not the biological parents of the children, but they often love and care for them just the same.

She also may have a hard time talking about what she is feeling with her husband. She wants to make sure she doesn’t come across the wrong way, or she may be worried that he won’t understand her feelings and that it could cause some conflict.

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We are going to go through some common things that stepmothers want their husbands to know, and they can be great starting points for some healing conversations.

“I Am New At This”

If a stepmother does not have any children, she is coming in blind to children who are already a bit older, and this can be overwhelming. According to Stepmomming, a stepmom wants her husband to know that she may not have known what she was “signing up for.” This means that it is a learning curve for her, and this means that she is going to need your help. She may not want to tell you because she wants you to be confident in her, but your support is going to help her find her place in the family.

“I Need You To Be The Bad Guy Sometimes”

Stepmoms are not unaware of the myth out there about them. That they are “evil,” and are always placing strict rules on their stepchildren. A stepmom needs you to have her back, and she can not be the only one enforcing rules and disciplining the children. She would also appreciate it if you didn’t correct her attempt at parenting in front of the children. If you have a problem with how she handled a situation, please wait to talk about it in private. Talking about it in front of children can be undermining, and it can harm the relationship that stepmom is trying to build with the children.

“Keep The Bio Mom Involved”

Stepmoms also care about the biological mom's feelings and needs, and they don’t want them to think that they are overstepping their boundaries. This means that they need their husband to keep up the communication with the biological mom. That they need to respond to her texts and messages about the children and answer any questions that she has. She wants to have a good relationship with the mother of the children because that is what is best for everyone involved, especially the children.

“I Won’t Automatically Love Your Children”

This may be hardest for a stepmom to say because she is worried it will be taken the wrong way. According to StepQueen, it is important for husbands to know that just because a stepmom loves them, it does not mean they automatically love their children. Stepchildren are different from biological children, and it can take time for a bond to develop. Stepmom has to build a relationship and get to know the children, and it works the same way for the children. Give it time.

“Stop Talking About Your Ex”

While stepmoms know that their husband’s ex is going to always be part of their lives since they share children together, it doesn’t mean they always want to hear about them. It is normal that there is going to be some history together. They had a marriage, a life and children together, but you are trying to build a new relationship, and this means that you need to keep conversations about your ex to a minimum.

“Remember, I Chose This”

According to Stepmom Mag, it is important that a stepmom is appreciated, and she needs her husband to know that she may not be feeling that way all the time. She wants her husband to know that she actively chose to be a part of this family, with children, and that is because she loves him, and his children, and this is not something that can be taken for granted.

Source: Stepmomming, StepQueen, Stepmom Mag