When hearing a couple is in an "Intimate relationship" people tend to think that the couple is sexually involved. Is it just sex, though? Probably not. Relationships need a lot more than a couple of amazing orgasms to stand strong.
This is especially true if the couple plans on going the distance and being life partners. Sex is fine to focus on, and typically at the beginning of a relationship, the majority of what is focused on. Other areas are going to need some attention, though, if they plan on making it past that phase.
What Is Intimacy?
Intimacy, according to Better Health, is a feeling of being close, emotionally connected, and supported. It means being able to share a whole range of thoughts, feelings, and experiences that we have as human beings.
Intimacy builds up with time. Typically, the longer people spend time together, sharing their lives and enjoying things together, the stronger the relationship becomes. That's because intimacy comes on many levels. It's not just sex. In a marriage, it's those different levels that matter most.
Spiritual Intimacy
Bowling Green University defines spiritual intimacy as revealing your spirituality to your partner (spiritual disclosure) and listening to your partner's disclosures in a supportive and non-judgmental fashion (spiritual support).
Partners might have the same or different spiritual/religious identities. To engage in spiritual intimacy, partners are not required to have the same belief system. Simply being able to share each other's faith, concerns, traditions, and such, builds a form of confidence in a relationship.
Knowing that one can openly share the most intimate feelings of their higher power with their partner without judgment is very personal. Society doesn't usually allow for this, so it builds a strong connection between the two.
Experiential intimacy
Sharing in likes that fuel one another's energy. That can take place when a couple laughs at a joke that only they get, or go hiking together. Good Therapy says when people bond during leisure activities. People may "sync up" their actions in teamwork or find themselves acting in unison. For example, if a husband and wife remodel their home together. They are working toward one common goal; getting through that and maintaining a bond is creating experiential intimacy.
Intellectual intimacy
Intellectual intimacy happens when a couple feels comfortable sharing their ideas and opinions with each other, even when they might disagree. It is more than physical; it's valuing and validating their partner's opinions and thoughts.
Sex and communication expert, Emily Morse says, the more things a couple shares in common, the more opportunities they have to create a feeling of safety and security. People tend to feel at ease around others who see the world in roughly the same way as they do. This can help all levels of intimacy and build a stronger relationship.
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy happens when a couple is able to tell each other their deepest fears, dreams, disappointments, and most complicated emotions, and have that understood by one another. The couple builds a safe place for each other. They can trust each other.
When sharing these things in confidence, they are building emotional intimacy and faith that nothing will ever be repeated or used against them. These are personal thoughts that do not leave the confines of the relationship.
Non-Physical Intimacy
Practicing the four forms of non-physical intimacy mentioned builds a solid foundation for a couple to stand the test of time. When couples learn to engage in open and honest communication with each other, they gain a closeness that helps to strengthen their relationship. When arguments occur, they have these bonds of intimacy that keep them from giving up.
How To Build Intimacy In A Relationship
Intimacy is not another word for sex. Sex can help build intimacy in a relationship, but it's not the only thing. Healthline says all intimacy comes down to a few key factors.: trust, affection, communication, compassion, safety, honesty, and acceptance. This doesn't happen overnight, though, it gradually cultivates over time.
- Trust: Couples who show each other that they are trustworthy grow closer.
- Affection: Showing each other that they care for one another. It is not necessarily by kissing or even touching, sometimes, it just means showing up.
- Communication: Good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Making an effort to listen and understand one another can go a long way.
- Compassion: Forgiveness and understanding. Compassion is a natural component of caring about one another's well-being.
- Safety: Feeling safe with another person. Being vulnerable to them. Knowing that person is there for you won't let you down.
- Honesty: Feeling comfortable saying exactly how you feel.
- Acceptance: When a person accepts someone just how they are. Not having to change for another person.
Intimacy Isn't Always Easy
PsychAlive says fear of intimacy is an often-subconscious fear of closeness that frequently affects people's personal relationships. This fear of physical and/or emotional intimacy tends to show up in people's closest and most meaningful relationships.
A fear of intimacy often does not come from where most people think. Often the fear of intimacy comes from the way a person views themselves. When someone is in a relationship with a person who sees so much positive in them and all they see is negative, they cannot fathom the thought that those person's feelings are truthful. This may take some work, but it is possible to get over a fear of intimacy. You need to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Sources: Better Health, Bowling Green University, Good Therapy, Emily Morse, Healthline, PsychAlive